This weekend had to be one of the hardest weekends to get through. For the most part I have no idea why, and have every idea why.
First of all- I'm tired. I haven't slept through the night all week (last night included). The only night I didn't wake up at 2AM was Saturday night. I'm hoping this week will be different. I'm praying this week will be different. I don't know why I can't sleep through the night. It's not like I'm not active during the day, I have a decent diet, I don't consume large amounts of caffeine or sugar before bed.
Second of all- We're past mid season and I know the Faire is going to be closing soon. I was looking around on Sunday and suddenly had de-ja-vu to my first Faire weekend. I only have three weekends left of what has been the best experience of my life.
Thirdly- College classes start again in two weeks. I'm looking forward to my classes, but not the environment that I'll be in.
Fourthly- I very dear childhood dress-up-dress of mine was partially demolished Friday night. I've had this dress since before I was 4 years old. It was my "pretty" dress, my princess dress, my garden dress. I'm not girly and I love this dress. I wanted to pass this dress on to my little cousin (the daughter of my aunt who gave me this dress). I think it's really important to pass things down and preserve history, especially family history. The partial demolishing seriously threw me and I spent a little while on Saturday hugging a stuffed sheep consoling my inner child while trying to keep in character. Thank goodness Anne Drew had an odd attraction to fuzzy animals and puppets.
Now that I actually write this out- it sounds really silly and trivial. I guess in times of upheaval and eustress and non-positive stress, these are the things that make you seriously unsettled.
Mostly it's just this reason- I'm dreading living with the feeling of loneliness again. I haven't been lonely all summer, and I hate the idea that I'm going to be going to back to being just a face in a crowd, seeing true friends maybe once or twice a week. I could elaborate, but that would mean telling my life story getting all deep and emotional.
This weekend has some really good points, apart from struggling to keep going all day.
-I tried a lot of new foods. They were all delicious.
-I had some great interactions with children. I was able to coax a really shy little boy to come and play Towers with me. I also got to dance with a princess during closing gate. I had a few other adorable little ones interact with me, but those two were my favorite.
-I got some crazy responses from patrons about how to get a captain out of jail. Most of them would result in his death. For some reason everyone was fixated on the captain dying. I felt bad for the captain and really wanted to look at some of those patrons sideways and ask "What the heck are you thinking?"
-I broke a photographer! Multiple times! It was beyond hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing.
-I got broke by a parody of "That's Amore." I laughed so hard I cried.
-I almost hit a bulls-eye when practicing archery!
-I had an amazing conversation with a fellow cast member and a very fun dinner out with friends.
-I got/am getting jewelry from a pretty shop, and the owners are some of the nicest people ever!
-I found a hat that I will buy next week for a reasonable price.
-I had epic poke/tickle sibling fights with one of the towne criers.
-I had an awesome bit with some of the Draco Disciples.
So the good moments outweigh the moments I am currently blaming on tiredness/stress. Let's just say that I called myself fat (which is something I strive NOT TO DO) and unintentionally may have insulted someone else because of my self hate comment. I also forgot that they had coal in Elizabethan England, and made blatant reference to Thanksgiving while on the street. I will make fun of myself for the later two things and make a lesson to myself out of the first. The first lesson is this, when I am tired I need to watch my tongue.