Midseason

Just a small post about my thoughts now that the season is at the halfway point.

Words honestly are failing me.
I went into this experience thinking that I'd have fun with some pretty open minded people (I come from a fairly conservative family and background) and entertain a lot of people paying to spend a day in Elizabethan England.
I thought that I'd learn one or two things about acting and performance while combining my love of history with my love of performance.
I knew that this summer would either blow my mind, or I'd never be able to go back to Bristol again. This was a terrifying risk for me since I've been going to the Faire my whole life.

I was so wrong about all of my expectations.

I have fallen in love with the cast and crew. I can honestly say that never have I ever cared about a group of people so much so quickly. Each person that I work with feels like a family member. I have a few sisters, brothers, a lot of cousins, six amazing dads, a few mothers who are the sweetest people on earth, not to mention all of my crazy aunts and uncles. I feel safe around these people. These people make me feel like I have value and talent.

I haven't just learned a few things about performance, I've learned about a billion things. There are things that are probably more subconscious than others, but overall I've been stretched in every direction. At first it was really scary to put myself out there, but I'm getting more fearless as time goes on. Not reckless or totally without fear, I'm just able to say "We're going to do this and it's going to be okay." I've learned to laugh off my mistakes and just roll wherever the scenes go.

I've had so many mentors in my teachers from BAPA as well at the veteran Street Cast members. Even members of other casts have been teachers to me. Above and beyond I've learned that I really do need to take care of myself. I'm so used to taking care of others and pushing myself until I drop. I've come to realize that I do need to start taking care of myself since I am such an active person. I am always going to be an active person, it's just apart of who I am. 

Even more so, I came into this summer uncertain of myself. I don't know where I stand on a lot of grounds. There are a few things that I will not waver on, but almost everything else is still being written. It is because of my time at Faire that I am re-evaluating what I want to do with my life. I didn't know that I had just a passion for history and performance beyond the realm of dance. It's difficult because this means I need to take a new look at what I want to do, but there are more options than there were before. Although I'm still learning my own opinions and figuring out what I think about things, I'm more confidant in what I do know about myself.

Anne has gone through an evolution from the time I created her to who she is today. She started out as this slightly softer spoken, very respectful, extremely wary, shy young woman. As of last weekend she is an out spoken, questioning, precocious, still a little wary, daring young woman. Before the gates opened Anne would never have openly said to the Captain that something was his fault. This Sunday she boldly contradicted the Captain and blamed him for several things (one of which being a wound she sustained from a bar fight). She still has respect for her betters, but she's willing to take a risk.
I like her and admire this sixteen year old girl I portray. I like the moments when I say something that Anne would say, or when Anne says something that I would say. I like seeing how the characters of Bristol reflect something of the people who play them and vice versa.

I went into Bristol not knowing what I'd find. I found home.