Anne's Log- The Reveal!

Anne tried desperately to crawl out of the grave she’d now dug for herself.

“But Captain!” She protested with more than an edge of desperation in her voice, “I didn’t mean too!”

Only moments before had Anne blundered into a game of Towers that Captain Frobisher was about to win. Now Captain Hawkyns and Captain Drake were splitting the money that Captain Frobisher didn’t have. Anne picked herself up from amid the blocks she had toppled over with and scooted away from her irate employer.

“I don’t care!” Captain Frobisher roared. Anne dashed in between the other captains, using them as a buffer. She wondered why she had let the Captain into the wine so early in the morning, even if it was a festival day. “Get back over here!”

Anne slowly trod towards her captain, ready to duck and cover or run as fast as her legs could carry her. Captain Frobisher had lifted men bigger than her clear over his head and tossed them off the ship. “It is a festival day, Captain.” Anne said hopefully, “Mayhap we can simply forget about this?” It was a stretch and Anne knew it.

“Certainly not.” Captain Frobisher insisted. “I’m revoking your land privileges and you’re going to get ten lashes.”

Anne steeled herself. She could take a whip so long as the captain didn’t find out she was a girl. “Administered by whom?” She couldn’t help the quaver in her voice.

Captain Frobisher looked at Anne like it was the most idiotic question in the world. “Me!”

Flailing around for words Anne sputtered out “But you can’t!”

“What do you mean I can’t! I’m the captain! You’ve got to learn to take punishment like a man, I’ve been much too lax on you.”

Anne looked to Hawkyns and Drake. Hawkyns seemed ready to jump into action, but as always he waited to see what Anne would do. Anne had told him in no uncertain terms that she could take care of herself.

“But Captain!”

“What?” Captain Frobisher was already starting to walk away from the towers. “Come on, I haven’t got all day.”

Anne tried to find an excuse, “It’ll ruin my shirt!” Was all that she could come up with?

“That doesn’t matter- you don’t need it anyway, Andrew!” Captain Frobisher stared at Anne with annoyance. “Just take it off now!”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”  Captain Frobisher pulled at Anne’s arm. “You’re not going to get any blood on it. Act like a man, Andrew!”

“I’m a girl!” Anne blurted. Everything seemed to stand still for a moment.

Captain Frobisher blinked. “What?”

Anne looked to Drake, who looked astonished. Then she looked to Hawkyns, who looked a little surprised. Then she looked back her Captain, who looked skeptical. “I’m a girl, Captain.”

“You lied to me!”

“Not technically.” Anne wheedled. “I never said I wasn’t a girl.”

“I distinctly told you girls are bad luck on ships!” Captain Frobisher protested.

Anne nodded, “But you never asked if I was a girl.”

“Naturally I assumed you’d be a boy!”

“Martin.” Hawkyns interrupted. “Do you recall my cabin boy ‘Bob?’”

Captain Frobisher gaze Hawkyns the same annoyed look he had given Anne moments earlier. “Of course! Rather rubbish of you keeping a girl on board.”

“I had my reasons.”

“We all knew your reasons.” Anne couldn’t help herself. Hawkyns gave her a cautioning glance.

“Glass houses, Anne.”

“WAIT!” Frobisher burst between the two. “Anne-Drew.” He looked at Anne in shock. “That’s a boy’s name!”

Captain Hawkyns rolled his eyes and stepped in between the increasingly outraged Frobisher and the petrified Anne. “Oh, come now, Martin.”

“You’re not just getting a whipping!” Frobisher yelled. “I think a good old fashioned keelhauling is in order.”

Hawkyns put his hand protectively on Anne’s shoulder. “As Anne’s father, I take responsibility for her actions and forbid you to touch her.”

Anne and Frobisher looked at Hawkyns in disbelief. “Father?” In reality, thought Anne might have played her cards to gain a little from each Captain by teasing how they might be her father, she had no idea which of these famous captains her father was.

Hawkyns’ pulled a piece of paper out of his doublet and handed it to Anne. “That is my signature, isn’t it?”

Anne glanced at the paper,

I, Father Peter of the church of England, do provide witness to the baptismal and christening of this child, Anne Drew, born to John Hawkyns, Captain, and Fanny Drew, a most common woman, on the seventh day of September anno domino 1556. While this child is not of a legitimate union, both parties do recognize parentage and accept responsibility of this child and do claim the child to be their own.

Witnessed By

Father Peter

Fanny Drew               John Hawkyns

            “While your mother might have had copies of this particular letter.” Hawkyns raised an eyebrow at Anne, who almost blushed from embarrassment. “I do claim you as my child, since it seems that you finally have gotten yourself into a scrape you can’t get out of.”

“John!” Captain Frobisher sputtered, trying to make sense of everything that he had learned in the last three minutes. “This doesn’t make any sense!”

“What doesn’t make sense Captain?” Anne asked exasperatedly. Hawkyns gave her a look that told her to let him do the talking.

Frobisher looked at the ground in an attitude of deep thought. “Wait…” He said as he put two and two together, “You’ve been a girl this whole time.”

“Yes.”

“How many people knew?”

“Everyone but you Captain.” Anne grumbled. It hadn’t been her plan.

“Am I really that thick?”

“Come along Anne.” John Hawkyns held out his hand to his newly recognized daughter. “Let’s go get your things from the ship, you need to get some women’s clothes.”

“I don’t own any.” Anne winced at the thought of losing the freedom that trousers and a doublet had given her. “What about the Captain?”

“He’ll work it out eventually.”

Anne looked over her shoulder at the dumb-struck Captain Frobisher. To be honest she didn’t have much of an understanding of what just happened either. Still, something inside of her leapt with joy that she belonged to someone.

However, something inside her said that her adventures had only just begun. She’d need to keep her boy clothes around just in case.

What now?

The last weekend has come and gone. 

Saturday I turned into an "Annesicle" because it rained, I got soaked, and then my core got cold. It still was a lot of fun! I also graduated BAPA and laughed more in one night than I have in a long time.
Sunday was my "bad" day. On the street I was okay, but off-street things just weren't going right for me. I had some great times getting to out Anne and finally get my father (there will be a coming fiction post). I also got to be a girl for an hour and I loved the interactions and reactions I got from patrons and cast members.

Then came Monday. The last day. I could not have asked for a better last day to my first year.
I saw the most beautiful sunrise that morning. There was morning mist burning away as the orange sun rose up slowly. I almost started crying right then and there, but I knew I had a whole day to get through and by golly I wasn't going to break just yet.
All I wanted was some time with the characters and people I've come to love as my family, and that's exactly what I got to do all day long.
The funny thing was that I came up with something new on the last day- Anne translates for the Captain while he is saving his voice so he can sing. 
Each time I did something for the "last time" I felt a sense of finality and peace mixed with each other. Everything was like saying goodbye to an old friend. I broke during the afternoon sea shanties when singing Frobisher Bay and Leave her Johnny. I knew that Leave her Johnny would probably mess with me, but Frobisher Bay was a complete surprise.
What really broke me was closing gate. During "Let Union Be" I looked over at Pony and saw her crying. We ended up finishing the song with our arms around each other and almost weeping. Then, as if I wasn't already a hot mess, Lord L came out and recited the ending monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's one of my favorite monologues and I was sobbing through the whole thing.
I collected myself only long enough to fall apart again as I marched through a backstage lined with all of my friends singing "Health to the Company." I joined the line and tried to sing, but I had no voice. I just couldn't sing. I got so many hugs, hands claps, and nods from people. I couldn't have asked for a better ending.

Now here comes my version of mush. I don't really do mush, so you all get my "Kait" brand of mush. I was able to write a few notes to some people, but not nearly enough. Those notes held about as much mush as I can muster up. I wouldn't have been able to say those worlds to anyone's face.
I never thought I could fall in love with so many people so fast. I really do love you all like my family. You've given me so much, I don't know how to repay you other than to say a deeply meant "Thank You" and a very strong hug with all of my feelings poured into it, hopefully you'll understand how much you mean to me.

Now onto the practical side of things.
What do I do with this blog? 
It will not be shut down. There shall (maybe) be the occasional Anne post. I am turning this blog into my writer's/historical/rennie fun blog. I will still be keeping up with my personal blog (it might not be as interesting, but I want to be faithful in my journalism of this part of my life).

What will I go onto next? 
Well- there's always making my ren faire costumes. I'm working on making an Anne-like costume as well as creating a girl costume. This means I'll have to learn how to sew properly.
I have school and work too keep me occupied, as well as dance classes that start next week.
I have a bunch of new friends that I need to keep in contact with, because I don't want to wait 8-9 months to talk to them again.
I'm planning on auditioning for a few things this year. Overshadowed productions is holding auditions for Little Women on Sept. 17th and I've gotten involved with my college's theater club.

What about next year's Faire? 
As far as I am planning- Anne shall be back! Mayhap she'll have a few tweaks here and there. This year I was just able to start understanding how Street Works. I've already got a few ideas that I want to flesh out and play around with. What havoc will Anne create for the Captain? You'll have to come back next year!

 I look at where I was, and where I am now, and I am very different. I hope it's for the better, because I like myself more today than how I was three months ago. I am going to have some withdrawal over the next few weeks, bit if I've learned anything over this past year it's been that I can pick myself up and carry on. Some days it's not fun, but this year I don't feel so alone as I did last year.

Thank you.

Oh Captains, My Captains

This weekend Anne will finally have her father.
Not that she hasn't had the BEST group of dads a girl could ask for during the season, but let me explain.
I've had the time of my life taunting and "blackmailing" the Captains into thinking that Anne is their child. Some of my favorite bits are just dragging people into the absurdity of my story because patrons have said some pretty crazy things. However, as time went on, Anne started to feel a bit lonely at her uncertain familial status.
Stupid me letting my character run away and develop a bit too much, but Anne really wants to belong to someone. Not just speculation and half serious ownership on the part of the Captains, but someone who would take Anne in. Not Andrew, but Anne.
Amazing the things I learn about human nature. How basic is this feeling of wanting to belong to someone? To have a father who cares about you and calls you his own (even if you are a girl). Fathers are SO important. Note the underline/italicize/boldface.

I am lucky to have a father who loves me and my real life Daddy and I have a great relationship. He read me novels like Tom Sawyer and To Kill a Mockingbird when I was little and introduced me to Star Wars and the Blues Brothers. Almost every year throughout Jr. High and Highschool we've gone to a father/daughter date night that our church organizes. My dad flew with me down to Florida so I could audition for the dance program at a college and we spent about three days exploring Palm Springs.
I have a fantastic real life Dad.

To all the Captains (and other seafaring gentleman) at the Faire- 
You have all been like Uncles, Brothers, and Cousins to me. Through you I have learned to hold my own place, because you are a hard group to break into and hold your own in. I've had to keep my wits about me and be ready to figure out some way to tie up loose ends and loopholes so that you ALL have to acknowledge the fact that Anne just might be your child. You've taught me about maritime history and how to act like a man (or at least ham it up).

Thank you for taking in a girl to your world of men and really bringing me into your circle when I thought I might just be hanging out on the outskirts, not wanting to intrude. Whoops- wouldn't you know it? I intruded and hung up my hammock to stay!

I already know who Anne's real father is. Part of it came down to the fact that I'm a historical nut and this person made the most sense historically.
I want you all to know, that even if you aren't my dad (I'm still trying to keep this a surprise, otherwise I'd be frank), I consider all of you like family to me and love you all like Uncles and Brothers. I'd say you've been like Fathers to me, but my daddy already fills that space in my heart. Thank you all for the best summer of my life.

I can't wait to see what this last weekend will bring in the way of shenanigans. You have been warned from your trouble making "son." AnneDrew.

My family

So, apart from my VERY dysfunctional character family (Think Mamma Mia in Elizabethan England), I have found the most amazing family in the people that I work with.

Let's see....
I've found a few mother and father type figures, several siblings, aunts and uncles- not to mention those awkward cousins who I wonder if I'm really related to but I love anyway so I must be related to them.

This Sunday I woke up after a MARVELOUS Saturday and my world crashed down around me. My Grandpa Jones will never be able to see what I've done in Ren Faire. I can't tell him (physically) about how much I've learned or what my plans are or how amazing all of these people are.

For anyone who doesn't know by now, summer after my junior year in high School, June 21, my Grandpa died.
Our birthdays are one day apart. I like to think that my Grandpa and I had a special bond. There were a lot of things about him that I didn't realize we had in common until I heard about them at his funeral.
I miss him a lot. I know that his passing when he did was probably a good thing and spared him a lot of pain. He had senior dementia and it was hard for all of us. Whenever I hear bagpipes I think of him, and owls are sort of symbolic of my Grandpa. He carved the most beautiful things out of wood and owls were one of his favorites.

So I go up to Ren Faire really just trying to keep myself together. During morning meeting I drew an owl in my Captains Log and tried to keep it together. Then I went back to the green room and tried to keep myself together. I'm pretty good at shutting everything off and keeping myself together. I tried to bring out my character when playing Towers with Hawkyns and Frobisher, but it really wasn't working. This is what happens when I shut down. Non-functional not good stuff. I was ready to label the day as a "fake it till you make it" type day.
I ended up backstage in the Pole Barn just needing some space to breathe and possibly cry. One of my friends who plays Jinx the over sized Jester asked if I wanted to talk and was very nice when I couldn't really bring myself to do so because I knew I'd pretty much lose it. John came in and I got asked again if I wanted to talk about it. By this time I had my hat over my head and pulled low over my face because I was starting to cry.

Let's get another thing straight. I don't cry easily. Some people will cry at the drop of a hat. I used to have a complex where I saw crying as being weak, but only if I was the one crying. I'm over that but I still don't cry easily.
I can't lie to these people. I just can't. It's pretty much impossible for me to be dishonest around any of the rennies because if I was I'd feel so awful I'd rat myself out. So I started to talk about how I miss my Grandpa. I wish I could tell him things without talking to the air. I knew there would be certain milestones in life that he won't be there for (like my wedding), but I wasn't expecting to be upset that I can't tell him about Faire. I'm sure I said a few other things but your brain gets foggy and your nose gets rather stuffy when you're crying.

John and Jinx were great. They gave me support and didn't try to say "I understand." John actually made a point of saying that he doesn't know what I'm feeling, but he's lost people too and we do go through these moments. He said that Ren Faire is probably the safest and most supporting place to have a moment like the one I was having.
They said how proud they were of me, and how proud they know my Grandpa is of me. Even if I can't see him, he can see me, which I do believe (still sucks on my end of the deal). Then Lettuce came in and asked who she needed to kill and sat with us for a little while as I finished calming down and we had a good laugh about how these types of moments never happen when it's convenient. 

The first rehearsal for Street Cast I went too, I was sitting by myself on the benches before things started. I heard an owl hooting.









Just as a side note- the rest of my dad was fantastic and I had so many laughs and fun times. This summer has passed too quickly. Thank you to all of my family in RenFaire. I don't think I've been able to trust people so much or so quickly as I have with all of you. I can't wait for the next two weekends and the new adventures they will bring.

Weekend 6- Mixed Bag

This weekend had to be one of the hardest weekends to get through. For the most part I have no idea why, and have every idea why.

First of all- I'm tired. I haven't slept through the night all week (last night included). The only night I didn't wake up at 2AM was Saturday night. I'm hoping this week will be different. I'm praying this week will be different. I don't know why I can't sleep through the night. It's not like I'm not active during the day, I have a decent diet, I don't consume large amounts of caffeine or sugar before bed.

Second of all- We're past mid season and I know the Faire is going to be closing soon. I was looking around on Sunday and suddenly had de-ja-vu to my first Faire weekend. I only have three weekends left of what has been the best experience of my life.

Thirdly- College classes start again in two weeks. I'm looking forward to my classes, but not the environment that I'll be in.

Fourthly- I very dear childhood dress-up-dress of mine was partially demolished Friday night. I've had this dress since before I was 4 years old. It was my "pretty" dress, my princess dress, my garden dress. I'm not girly and I love this dress. I wanted to pass this dress on to my little cousin (the daughter of my aunt who gave me this dress). I think it's really important to pass things down and preserve history, especially family history. The partial demolishing seriously threw me and I spent a little while on Saturday hugging a stuffed sheep consoling my inner child while trying to keep in character. Thank goodness Anne Drew had an odd attraction to fuzzy animals and puppets.
Now that I actually write this out- it sounds really silly and trivial. I guess in times of upheaval and eustress and non-positive stress, these are the things that make you seriously unsettled. 

Mostly it's just this reason- I'm dreading living with the feeling of loneliness again. I haven't been lonely all summer, and I hate the idea that I'm going to be going to back to being just a face in a crowd, seeing true friends maybe once or twice a week. I could elaborate, but that would mean telling my life story getting all deep and emotional.

This weekend has some really good points, apart from struggling to keep going all day.

-I tried a lot of new foods. They were all delicious.
-I had some great interactions with children. I was able to coax a really shy little boy to come and play Towers with me. I also got to dance with a princess during closing gate. I had a few other adorable little ones interact with me, but those two were my favorite.
-I got some crazy responses from patrons about how to get a captain out of jail. Most of them would result in his death. For some reason everyone was fixated on the captain dying. I felt bad for the captain and really wanted to look at some of those patrons sideways and ask "What the heck are you thinking?"
-I broke a photographer! Multiple times! It was beyond hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing.
-I got broke by a parody of "That's Amore." I laughed so hard I cried.
-I almost hit a bulls-eye when practicing archery!
-I had an amazing conversation with a fellow cast member and a very fun dinner out with friends.
-I got/am getting jewelry from a pretty shop, and the owners are some of the nicest people ever!
-I found a hat that I will buy next week for a reasonable price.
-I had epic poke/tickle sibling fights with one of the towne criers.
-I had an awesome bit with some of the Draco Disciples.  

So the good moments outweigh the moments I am currently blaming on tiredness/stress. Let's just say that I called myself fat (which is something I strive NOT TO DO) and unintentionally may have insulted someone else because of my self hate comment. I also forgot that they had coal in Elizabethan England, and made blatant reference to Thanksgiving while on the street. I will make fun of myself for the later two things and make a lesson to myself out of the first. The first lesson is this, when I am tired I need to watch my tongue.

Midseason

Just a small post about my thoughts now that the season is at the halfway point.

Words honestly are failing me.
I went into this experience thinking that I'd have fun with some pretty open minded people (I come from a fairly conservative family and background) and entertain a lot of people paying to spend a day in Elizabethan England.
I thought that I'd learn one or two things about acting and performance while combining my love of history with my love of performance.
I knew that this summer would either blow my mind, or I'd never be able to go back to Bristol again. This was a terrifying risk for me since I've been going to the Faire my whole life.

I was so wrong about all of my expectations.

I have fallen in love with the cast and crew. I can honestly say that never have I ever cared about a group of people so much so quickly. Each person that I work with feels like a family member. I have a few sisters, brothers, a lot of cousins, six amazing dads, a few mothers who are the sweetest people on earth, not to mention all of my crazy aunts and uncles. I feel safe around these people. These people make me feel like I have value and talent.

I haven't just learned a few things about performance, I've learned about a billion things. There are things that are probably more subconscious than others, but overall I've been stretched in every direction. At first it was really scary to put myself out there, but I'm getting more fearless as time goes on. Not reckless or totally without fear, I'm just able to say "We're going to do this and it's going to be okay." I've learned to laugh off my mistakes and just roll wherever the scenes go.

I've had so many mentors in my teachers from BAPA as well at the veteran Street Cast members. Even members of other casts have been teachers to me. Above and beyond I've learned that I really do need to take care of myself. I'm so used to taking care of others and pushing myself until I drop. I've come to realize that I do need to start taking care of myself since I am such an active person. I am always going to be an active person, it's just apart of who I am. 

Even more so, I came into this summer uncertain of myself. I don't know where I stand on a lot of grounds. There are a few things that I will not waver on, but almost everything else is still being written. It is because of my time at Faire that I am re-evaluating what I want to do with my life. I didn't know that I had just a passion for history and performance beyond the realm of dance. It's difficult because this means I need to take a new look at what I want to do, but there are more options than there were before. Although I'm still learning my own opinions and figuring out what I think about things, I'm more confidant in what I do know about myself.

Anne has gone through an evolution from the time I created her to who she is today. She started out as this slightly softer spoken, very respectful, extremely wary, shy young woman. As of last weekend she is an out spoken, questioning, precocious, still a little wary, daring young woman. Before the gates opened Anne would never have openly said to the Captain that something was his fault. This Sunday she boldly contradicted the Captain and blamed him for several things (one of which being a wound she sustained from a bar fight). She still has respect for her betters, but she's willing to take a risk.
I like her and admire this sixteen year old girl I portray. I like the moments when I say something that Anne would say, or when Anne says something that I would say. I like seeing how the characters of Bristol reflect something of the people who play them and vice versa.

I went into Bristol not knowing what I'd find. I found home.

The Shirt

Here is the last post to Anne's Clothes. To give everyone a fair warning, this post is a little bit longer than the others. While most of the others only took up half a page or less in my Microsoft Word document, this one was a little over one page. This post is also a bit more serious than the others. Instead of Anne's usual wit and sass (at least I hope I wrote her that way), this has a more bittersweet tone.

The Shirt

Anne scanned the horizon from the top of the crow’s nest. The wind whipped her shirt around her slight frame. The crow’s nest was the only place Anne felt any sense of real privacy. Growing up in London, privacy wasn’t as common as one might like and on a bark like the Gabriel, privacy didn’t even exist.

The crew of the Gabriel had grown used to Anne, or Andrew. They all treated her like a little brother, and Anne insisted on not being given any slack. A few times members of the crew had offered to help her out, but she was determined to do her share and prove her place. She needed somewhere to belong. 

Normally sitting up in the crow’s nest gave Anne a sense of freedom. Today the open space seemed to press in around her. She tugged at the ties on her shirt. The memory of Fanny’s words rose in her mind, when her mother told her that money was tighter than usual. Anne had known what Fanny’s next words would be, though she didn't want to hear them. 

“I didn’t want this for you.” Fanny said with tears in her eyes. “I had to go into this business to help my family. I never wanted this for you, I can’t see any other way to keep us going. I’m not as pretty as I was.” Anne had joked with her mother about men for years, but Anne had never expected to join her mother’s trade.

A quiet childhood longing started to form into a plan. “I could go find my father.” Anne said quietly, glancing at her mother. “I could dress as a boy and find him. I know which men to look for.”

Fanny knitted her brows. “Anne, anyone would be able to tell you’re a girl, even if you did wear boys clothes.”

“I’ve grown up watching men come and go.” Anne shrugged. “How hard can it be to act like one?” Anne had vowed years ago to not become like her mother, for all that she was a good woman, but Anne couldn’t bear to tell that to Fanny.

Keeping up with the men had been harder that Anne had originally thought. She didn’t realize until she was already signed on that she had no plans other than going to sea and voyaging with a captain who might be her father. She didn’t know what would happen if she got caught, who might bail her out of jail for cross dressing, where she would go after she was done at sea. It was unlikely that the Captains would provide anything for an illegitimate daughter. 

The signal for the change in the watch came. It was time to clamber down from her safe spot. Frobisher was just a speck on deck, but Anne could tell he was looking for something. She wondered what he had misplaced this time. Men…

 That night as she lay in bed Anne allowed rare tears to slip out. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and fingered the material of her shirt. It was the only thing she had brought from home of her old clothing. Some children clung to a poppet while they fell asleep. Anne fell asleep holding tight to a corner of her shirt and humming a song she’d heard some of the men singing earlier that day.

"Cold is the Arctic Sea,

Far are your arms from me.

Long will this winter be

Frozen in Frobisher Bay,

Frozen in Frobisher Bay."

 Fin.

There you have it. The story behind all of Anne's clothing. I actually debated whether to use Sailor's Prayer or Frobisher Bay as the ending lyrics, but the later seemed appropriate considering who Anne works for. 

Thank you to all of the character who I borrowed for my stories (and probably shall borrow again). To Everonword, thank you for doing quick edits on my stories so that they flow. Thank you, whoever you are, for reading my rubbish. I hope you've enjoyed these snippets.

Next week, if I am not too busy, I hope to write the event in which the crew finds out that Anne is a girl. Until then, I shall get packing for another wonderful weekend with the best people on earth!