What now?

The last weekend has come and gone. 

Saturday I turned into an "Annesicle" because it rained, I got soaked, and then my core got cold. It still was a lot of fun! I also graduated BAPA and laughed more in one night than I have in a long time.
Sunday was my "bad" day. On the street I was okay, but off-street things just weren't going right for me. I had some great times getting to out Anne and finally get my father (there will be a coming fiction post). I also got to be a girl for an hour and I loved the interactions and reactions I got from patrons and cast members.

Then came Monday. The last day. I could not have asked for a better last day to my first year.
I saw the most beautiful sunrise that morning. There was morning mist burning away as the orange sun rose up slowly. I almost started crying right then and there, but I knew I had a whole day to get through and by golly I wasn't going to break just yet.
All I wanted was some time with the characters and people I've come to love as my family, and that's exactly what I got to do all day long.
The funny thing was that I came up with something new on the last day- Anne translates for the Captain while he is saving his voice so he can sing. 
Each time I did something for the "last time" I felt a sense of finality and peace mixed with each other. Everything was like saying goodbye to an old friend. I broke during the afternoon sea shanties when singing Frobisher Bay and Leave her Johnny. I knew that Leave her Johnny would probably mess with me, but Frobisher Bay was a complete surprise.
What really broke me was closing gate. During "Let Union Be" I looked over at Pony and saw her crying. We ended up finishing the song with our arms around each other and almost weeping. Then, as if I wasn't already a hot mess, Lord L came out and recited the ending monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's one of my favorite monologues and I was sobbing through the whole thing.
I collected myself only long enough to fall apart again as I marched through a backstage lined with all of my friends singing "Health to the Company." I joined the line and tried to sing, but I had no voice. I just couldn't sing. I got so many hugs, hands claps, and nods from people. I couldn't have asked for a better ending.

Now here comes my version of mush. I don't really do mush, so you all get my "Kait" brand of mush. I was able to write a few notes to some people, but not nearly enough. Those notes held about as much mush as I can muster up. I wouldn't have been able to say those worlds to anyone's face.
I never thought I could fall in love with so many people so fast. I really do love you all like my family. You've given me so much, I don't know how to repay you other than to say a deeply meant "Thank You" and a very strong hug with all of my feelings poured into it, hopefully you'll understand how much you mean to me.

Now onto the practical side of things.
What do I do with this blog? 
It will not be shut down. There shall (maybe) be the occasional Anne post. I am turning this blog into my writer's/historical/rennie fun blog. I will still be keeping up with my personal blog (it might not be as interesting, but I want to be faithful in my journalism of this part of my life).

What will I go onto next? 
Well- there's always making my ren faire costumes. I'm working on making an Anne-like costume as well as creating a girl costume. This means I'll have to learn how to sew properly.
I have school and work too keep me occupied, as well as dance classes that start next week.
I have a bunch of new friends that I need to keep in contact with, because I don't want to wait 8-9 months to talk to them again.
I'm planning on auditioning for a few things this year. Overshadowed productions is holding auditions for Little Women on Sept. 17th and I've gotten involved with my college's theater club.

What about next year's Faire? 
As far as I am planning- Anne shall be back! Mayhap she'll have a few tweaks here and there. This year I was just able to start understanding how Street Works. I've already got a few ideas that I want to flesh out and play around with. What havoc will Anne create for the Captain? You'll have to come back next year!

 I look at where I was, and where I am now, and I am very different. I hope it's for the better, because I like myself more today than how I was three months ago. I am going to have some withdrawal over the next few weeks, bit if I've learned anything over this past year it's been that I can pick myself up and carry on. Some days it's not fun, but this year I don't feel so alone as I did last year.

Thank you.

Weekend 6- Mixed Bag

This weekend had to be one of the hardest weekends to get through. For the most part I have no idea why, and have every idea why.

First of all- I'm tired. I haven't slept through the night all week (last night included). The only night I didn't wake up at 2AM was Saturday night. I'm hoping this week will be different. I'm praying this week will be different. I don't know why I can't sleep through the night. It's not like I'm not active during the day, I have a decent diet, I don't consume large amounts of caffeine or sugar before bed.

Second of all- We're past mid season and I know the Faire is going to be closing soon. I was looking around on Sunday and suddenly had de-ja-vu to my first Faire weekend. I only have three weekends left of what has been the best experience of my life.

Thirdly- College classes start again in two weeks. I'm looking forward to my classes, but not the environment that I'll be in.

Fourthly- I very dear childhood dress-up-dress of mine was partially demolished Friday night. I've had this dress since before I was 4 years old. It was my "pretty" dress, my princess dress, my garden dress. I'm not girly and I love this dress. I wanted to pass this dress on to my little cousin (the daughter of my aunt who gave me this dress). I think it's really important to pass things down and preserve history, especially family history. The partial demolishing seriously threw me and I spent a little while on Saturday hugging a stuffed sheep consoling my inner child while trying to keep in character. Thank goodness Anne Drew had an odd attraction to fuzzy animals and puppets.
Now that I actually write this out- it sounds really silly and trivial. I guess in times of upheaval and eustress and non-positive stress, these are the things that make you seriously unsettled. 

Mostly it's just this reason- I'm dreading living with the feeling of loneliness again. I haven't been lonely all summer, and I hate the idea that I'm going to be going to back to being just a face in a crowd, seeing true friends maybe once or twice a week. I could elaborate, but that would mean telling my life story getting all deep and emotional.

This weekend has some really good points, apart from struggling to keep going all day.

-I tried a lot of new foods. They were all delicious.
-I had some great interactions with children. I was able to coax a really shy little boy to come and play Towers with me. I also got to dance with a princess during closing gate. I had a few other adorable little ones interact with me, but those two were my favorite.
-I got some crazy responses from patrons about how to get a captain out of jail. Most of them would result in his death. For some reason everyone was fixated on the captain dying. I felt bad for the captain and really wanted to look at some of those patrons sideways and ask "What the heck are you thinking?"
-I broke a photographer! Multiple times! It was beyond hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing.
-I got broke by a parody of "That's Amore." I laughed so hard I cried.
-I almost hit a bulls-eye when practicing archery!
-I had an amazing conversation with a fellow cast member and a very fun dinner out with friends.
-I got/am getting jewelry from a pretty shop, and the owners are some of the nicest people ever!
-I found a hat that I will buy next week for a reasonable price.
-I had epic poke/tickle sibling fights with one of the towne criers.
-I had an awesome bit with some of the Draco Disciples.  

So the good moments outweigh the moments I am currently blaming on tiredness/stress. Let's just say that I called myself fat (which is something I strive NOT TO DO) and unintentionally may have insulted someone else because of my self hate comment. I also forgot that they had coal in Elizabethan England, and made blatant reference to Thanksgiving while on the street. I will make fun of myself for the later two things and make a lesson to myself out of the first. The first lesson is this, when I am tired I need to watch my tongue.

Midseason

Just a small post about my thoughts now that the season is at the halfway point.

Words honestly are failing me.
I went into this experience thinking that I'd have fun with some pretty open minded people (I come from a fairly conservative family and background) and entertain a lot of people paying to spend a day in Elizabethan England.
I thought that I'd learn one or two things about acting and performance while combining my love of history with my love of performance.
I knew that this summer would either blow my mind, or I'd never be able to go back to Bristol again. This was a terrifying risk for me since I've been going to the Faire my whole life.

I was so wrong about all of my expectations.

I have fallen in love with the cast and crew. I can honestly say that never have I ever cared about a group of people so much so quickly. Each person that I work with feels like a family member. I have a few sisters, brothers, a lot of cousins, six amazing dads, a few mothers who are the sweetest people on earth, not to mention all of my crazy aunts and uncles. I feel safe around these people. These people make me feel like I have value and talent.

I haven't just learned a few things about performance, I've learned about a billion things. There are things that are probably more subconscious than others, but overall I've been stretched in every direction. At first it was really scary to put myself out there, but I'm getting more fearless as time goes on. Not reckless or totally without fear, I'm just able to say "We're going to do this and it's going to be okay." I've learned to laugh off my mistakes and just roll wherever the scenes go.

I've had so many mentors in my teachers from BAPA as well at the veteran Street Cast members. Even members of other casts have been teachers to me. Above and beyond I've learned that I really do need to take care of myself. I'm so used to taking care of others and pushing myself until I drop. I've come to realize that I do need to start taking care of myself since I am such an active person. I am always going to be an active person, it's just apart of who I am. 

Even more so, I came into this summer uncertain of myself. I don't know where I stand on a lot of grounds. There are a few things that I will not waver on, but almost everything else is still being written. It is because of my time at Faire that I am re-evaluating what I want to do with my life. I didn't know that I had just a passion for history and performance beyond the realm of dance. It's difficult because this means I need to take a new look at what I want to do, but there are more options than there were before. Although I'm still learning my own opinions and figuring out what I think about things, I'm more confidant in what I do know about myself.

Anne has gone through an evolution from the time I created her to who she is today. She started out as this slightly softer spoken, very respectful, extremely wary, shy young woman. As of last weekend she is an out spoken, questioning, precocious, still a little wary, daring young woman. Before the gates opened Anne would never have openly said to the Captain that something was his fault. This Sunday she boldly contradicted the Captain and blamed him for several things (one of which being a wound she sustained from a bar fight). She still has respect for her betters, but she's willing to take a risk.
I like her and admire this sixteen year old girl I portray. I like the moments when I say something that Anne would say, or when Anne says something that I would say. I like seeing how the characters of Bristol reflect something of the people who play them and vice versa.

I went into Bristol not knowing what I'd find. I found home.